If I continued to bottle up my emotions and let things go when people mistreated me, intentionally or not, I would become a powder keg and I definitely didn’t want to be seen as someone with anger issues, which essentially I was, even though I was in denial about it. I knew that I had to be brave and just say what I didn’t want to have to say before. With what you want to say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave
The chorus of the song really resonated with me. When I got with my partner, he noticed how bad my passive-aggressive nature was when we first got together and he basically helped me deal with it and got me to a point to say what I needed to say and not hold things in. I had been struggling with it for years and it came out at the most explosive moments in my life and sometimes even to people who didn’t deserve the brunt of my pent-up frustrations but I finally had a song that I could relate to and that would help me through anything I needed to go through in life.Īt this point in my life, even though I had had a couple of long-term relationships, I was chronically single and wasn’t really assertive with my needs because I never really had to be. I’m not going to say that this song singlehandedly gave me the confidence to speak up. It was a character strength because I got people to like me quickly but also my biggest character flaw. I could never tell anyone that I felt mistreated, hurt, or that their actions affected me. Internalizing my problems and the way other people treated me was second nature at this point. It was something that I either kept hidden or was in denial about for at least a decade prior.
I was still coming into my personality after coming out as gay. I felt great about myself on the outside but my inner self still had a ton of anxiety to overcome. I’d just lost a lot of weight and I was at my lowest weight in my adult life at 185 pounds (I’ve since gained that weight back in nine years.) I was active, riding my bicycle and walking frequently, even logging in 25 miles per day on my bicycle most of the week. This time was a turning point in my life. A song so epic came out in April 2013 that changed that trajectory for me. I was afraid of confrontation and afraid to say anything that I felt would offend or anger other people. Sure, in the most extreme cases, I had no other choice but to, but when it came to smaller things, I mostly kept my mouth shut to please people. I wasn’t always the type to speak up when I’d been mistreated.
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